Unfortunately, National Curmudgeon Day is over. What’s the next big holiday? I have to wince when revealing this one: Groundhog Day on February 3rd. Of course, if you like dressing up in top hats and have a fetish for small wildlife, then I guess this is the holiday for you.
Honestly, what is the purpose of this strange observance? A man wearing a top hat holds up a drugged-up groundhog and makes some long-winded declaration about how much longer Winter is going to last. If you want to know how long Winter is going to last, just look at a damn calendar.
The whole enterprise sounds like something akin to voodoo, witchcraft or party politics. Honestly, how would you know if the groundhog saw his shadow? How does he indicate shadow recognition? What if it’s a near-sighted groundhog? Or, maybe it’s simply distracted by all the idiots in top hats staring at him.
What I’d like to know is where are all those animal rights people who go on about the dignity of animals? Really, is there anything dignified about being grabbed by a man in a top hat? Now, being grabbed by a woman in a top hat is something else, but that has nothing to do with dignity.
Crank on.
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